Thanksgiving Table Talk: Having Money Conversations With Adult Children

Thanksgiving is an annual opportunity to spend quality time with loved ones, share cherished family traditions and create memories that last a lifetime. It can also be a great opportunity to pass along your family’s values, including your financial values. When approached with intention and structure, having intergenerational conversations about money can help you build strong relationships with your adult children while also passing along your family’s financial priorities and establishing the foundation for generational wealth.

While engaging in open money conversations may help families achieve financial freedom and build lasting generational wealth, many families avoid these critical discussions, missing the opportunity to pass down valuable financial wisdom and establish healthy money habits in the next generation.

Schedule a Time to Talk

Financial conversations can be difficult, especially if you’re hoping to address a loved one’s financial mistakes or irresponsibility. Rather than springing the conversation on your child unexpectedly, schedule a specific time and location for your discussion, and give your son or daughter a general overview of what you’d like to talk about. Doing so gives you both an opportunity to collect your thoughts and prepare for the conversation.

The holiday season is an ideal time to initiate these discussions, as family members are already gathered together. However, avoid bringing up sensitive financial topics during large group settings or stressful moments. Instead, plan for a one-on-one conversation or small family gathering where everyone can focus and participate meaningfully.

Be Prepared

If your conversation involves addressing your child’s questionable or irresponsible financial behavior, be prepared to discuss specific examples in a non-confrontational manner. Offer ideas to help improve the situation. For example, if your child has racked up significant debt, be prepared to discuss several potential payoff strategies he or she may wish to consider. This might include discussing budgeting techniques, sharing debt management approaches or connecting them with a financial advisor who can provide personalized guidance.

On the other hand, if you hope to have a discussion about your estate planning wishes (another difficult topic to bring up!), be prepared to explain your decisions, provide the location of your important documents and share details about your legacy wishes. Topics should include:

• The location of your will and other critical documents
• Details about your trust arrangements and how assets will be distributed
• Information about any life insurance policies or beneficiary designations
• Your wishes regarding charitable giving or philanthropic goals
• Plans for business succession if applicable

Be Honest About Your Own Struggles

A great way to build trust with your adult child is by being open and honest about your own financial struggles. Have you ever found yourself with significant debt? Did you need to learn the hard way how to balance saving and spending? What financial sacrifices have you made along the way to get to where you are today?

Sharing these experiences with your children can help them feel less alone with their struggles. It can also help boost their confidence and motivate them to make positive changes. When parents model healthy financial behaviors and demonstrate transparency regarding past mistakes, children are more likely to adopt similar patterns and seek guidance when facing financial challenges.

Research demonstrates that children who learn about their parents’ financial journey — including setbacks and how they overcame them — develop stronger financial literacy and make more informed money decisions throughout their lives.

Discuss Your Values

Individuals’ financial decisions are largely influenced by their money-related values, which is why it’s important to pass along your values to your children. Start with a discussion about the general values that are important to your family. For example, you may emphasize charitable giving, higher education, religion, security or building generational wealth.

Once you’ve shared your general values, talk about how those values impact your financial decisions. Maybe you commit to donating a certain percentage of your income to your church or another charity each year. Or perhaps you prioritize saving in a 529 college savings account to help pay for loved ones’ college expenses.

Consider discussing:

• Your approach to charitable giving and family philanthropy
• Your investment philosophy and long-term financial goals
• How your money values align with your lifestyle choices
• Your views on financial independence and building wealth
• Your priorities around saving for retirement and building security

Encourage your children to share their values and talk about how their financial decisions can impact those values. You may even be able to offer suggestions or support to help them focus their efforts on what matters most to them.

Leave Room for Discussion

Resist the urge to lecture your children. Instead, make it clear that you’re hoping to have a two-way conversation about financial planning and money management. Perhaps you learn something new about your child’s financial challenges or accomplishments. Maybe your son or daughter has questions you can answer, or they’ve developed an innovative budgeting approach worth discussing.

Active listening is critical during these conversations. Allow your children to express their concerns, ask questions and share their own financial goals and aspirations. By creating a safe space for dialogue, you encourage them to come to you for financial guidance in the future rather than making decisions in isolation.

While it’s important to make your key points, resist the urge to control the entire discussion. Instead, be open to letting the conversation flow naturally. You might discover that your adult child has already made significant strides in their financial literacy or that they’re facing challenges you weren’t aware of.

Offer Support and Guidance

Be sure to let your child know you’re available to offer support, such as helping them create a budget, offering savings strategies or providing investment insight. You can also help your child find financial tools, establish accounts and connect with a wealth manager or financial advisor.

Multigenerational families benefit tremendously from coordinated financial planning under the guidance of a qualified wealth advisor. Your advisor can help your adult children:

• Develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to their goals
• Establish an emergency fund and savings strategies
• Understand investment options and retirement planning
• Create a debt reduction strategy, if needed
• Plan for major life events, like purchasing a home or starting a business
• Build generational wealth through strategic planning

Remember that financial conversations don’t have to be taboo. The more open and honest you are with your children, the more likely they are to come to you for financial guidance — and the less likely they are to make costly financial mistakes.

The Role of a Wealth Advisor in Family Money Conversations

A qualified wealth advisor can play a crucial role in facilitating intergenerational wealth conversations and providing objective financial guidance. Your advisor can:

• Help facilitate family discussions about financial goals and values
• Provide financial education resources to your adult children
• Explain complex topics, like estate planning, tax strategies and investment management
• Create a comprehensive family wealth plan that aligns with your values
• Offer specialized services including trust administration and business succession planning
• Help coordinate charitable giving strategies aligned with your family’s philanthropic goals

By working with a family wealth advisor, you create a collaborative environment where multiple generations can discuss financial matters with professional guidance, ultimately aiming to strengthen family bonds while building a solid financial foundation for the future.

Building a Legacy of Financial Literacy

Ultimately, the goal of having money conversations with your adult children is to build a legacy of financial literacy that extends beyond wealth transfer. When you actively engage in intergenerational financial discussions, you equip your children with:

• Financial knowledge and money management skills
• An understanding of your family’s financial values and priorities
• Confidence to make informed financial decisions
• Tools to build their own generational wealth
• A framework for having similar conversations with future generations

Start the Conversation This Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving, consider going beyond traditional conversation topics, and open a discussion about money, values and your family’s financial future. Whether you’re addressing financial challenges, discussing your estate plan or celebrating your family’s financial accomplishments, these conversations are essential investments in your relationships and your family’s financial well-being.

At Creative Planning, we support multigenerational families in building and protecting their wealth. We understand that having family money conversations can be challenging, but we’re here to help facilitate these important discussions and provide professional financial guidance to you and your adult children. Our advisors specialize in intergenerational wealth planning, estate planning, tax strategy and comprehensive financial planning services designed to help families achieve their goals and build lasting generational wealth.

We’d be glad to have a conversation about how we can help your adult children establish a solid financial foundation and support your family’s wealth transfer goals. Our team can help coordinate family financial meetings, provide financial education resources and develop customized strategies to preserve and grow your family’s wealth across generations.

For more information about how Creative Planning can support your family’s financial planning needs, please schedule a call. Together, we can help ensure your financial values, money goals and legacy are preserved for generations to come.