Nearly half of Americans (45%) are highly uncomfortable sharing any financial details with anyone, according to a recent study by the American Psychological Association.1 The majority of people would also rather discuss politics or religion than money.2 This emphasizes that the stigma around money is still very present in our society.
Why is the topic of money taboo?
One main reason for the taboo regarding money stems from old cultural norms. Traditionally, for most cultures, discussing money with others was viewed as impolite and inappropriate. At the same time, these cultures held conflicting views on money being both sacred and profane.3
Other reasons people dodge money conversations are to avoid negative feelings that can arise such as anxiety, shame, incompetence, vulnerability and fear.4 Thus, avoidance is the protective strategy people often divert to escape these feelings. But we all know these feelings don’t go away, often showing up stronger later. It’s not surprising money conversations are avoided, given the concept of money is complex and associated with many different values, such as love, respect, self-worth, freedom and power.4
Why avoidance sets us back in society and in relationships
Avoiding talking about money negatively impacts our relationships, families, children and finances. A lack of communication is what fuels misunderstandings, conflict and improper planning for relationships and families.4 In our society at large, this avoidance continues to contribute to financial illiteracy, the gender pay gap and underpaid employees. While it may feel better to avoid uncomfortable feelings by avoiding financial conversations in the short term, the long-term risks of doing so are real.
How to normalize conversations about money
Like when learning to ride a bike, the only way to get better is to regularly practice these money conversations. However, the first conservation you initiate with a friend, partner or family member may initially feel awkward. Here are a few tips for approaching a money conversation:
- Start with casual, light conversations. This approach can help build confidence to discuss bigger topics later once you’re more comfortable.
- Be honest, direct and transparent. Directly express your thoughts, feelings and goals surrounding money so that the other person can understand the full picture.
- Seek to understand rather than disagree. Try to ask reflective questions to understand their perspective and put yourself in their shoes.
- Share your past experiences with money. Talking about where your money beliefs and ideas came from can be helpful to foster mutual understanding.
- Schedule difficult money conversations with your advisor. Having a third party that’s not emotionally invested can help facilitate better dialogue and diffuse conflict.
Breaking the money taboo isn’t easy, but it’s a crucial step toward healthier relationships, better financial outcomes and a more equitable society. By choosing to speak openly about money — even when it’s uncomfortable — we give ourselves and others permission to grow. With time, practice and support, money conversations can become less daunting and more empowering. The more we normalize these discussions, the more confident, connected and prepared we all become.
