Tips for Avoiding and Resolving Financial Conflict
It’s commonly known that money is one of the most frequent subjects in relationship disagreements and conflict. But did you know that 40% of couples have admitted to hiding financial secrets from their partner? 1 That may feel like a scary statistic when trust is a key component of a healthy relationship.
Having a financial planner that creates a comfortable environment for both partners to be transparent with their finances can help. However, being transparent with your partner (and vice versa) is only one way to help reduce conflict — and money is often one of the most difficult conflict for couples to resolve.2
Common Sources of Financial Conflict
Financial stress
Having significant financial stress is certainly a factor that can increase the likelihood of conflict. 2 This is likely due to the negative emotions that sometimes surface with stress. And poor management of stress levels can cause us to not act our best during conflict.
How your finances are organized
Another factor is the organization of the couple’s finances. Having a healthy balance of decision-making power and even pooling finances together in joint accounts can help mitigate conflict.2
In fact, studies have found evidence that having joint accounts enhances the relationship quality.3 There are several potential reasons for this, including that partners may make more “justifiable” purchases and rethink before buying something.3 Another reason is that couples are more likely to openly discuss finances, as there are fewer opportunities to conceal finances.3 Joint accounts may also help sustain a couple’s “communal relationship.”3 This relationship style means partners will respond to each other’s needs without needing reciprocation or keeping score.
It should be noted, however, that each relationship is unique, and having separate accounts can still be beneficial given certain circumstances.
Having different values
Having different values or not discussing values can also be a source of conflict. When a couple believes they have “similar financial goals,” this belief actually predicts better relationship satisfaction.3
Ways to Alleviate Financial Conflict
Reflect on your values
Many individuals and couples may not regularly reflect on — and perhaps may not truly know and understand — their values. The process of taking time to reflect on and identify your values can be an important aspect of building a sound financial plan and can even strengthen a relationship.
Set up regular financial discussions
Setting up regular financial discussions with your significant other either quarterly or monthly can help foster transparency and help ensure your finances are on track and aligned with your goals and values. While many couples already know these conversations are important, they’re often avoided due to fear that conflict may arise or due to shame/guilt over financial matters.
Bring a financial planner into the conversation
Having a financial planner present during these discussions can be useful, as our values are very often tied to our financial goals and overall financial plan. When a financial planner proactively schedules regular meetings, it can help motivate couples to have these discussions with an objective third party to help mitigate conflict.
Work with a couples therapist
There are some circumstances where it would be advisable to contact a couples therapist, such as when there’s a significant conflict interfering with the financial planning process.
